Terrified

          Alright, I guess I should use this space productively.I have spent the last 4 months not talking to almost everyone about what happened with Elba and I.  First I want to state that she did nothing wrong.  I am the one that screwed up.  I wasn't honest with her and thats an issue.  Its not something that I think I need to spell out but I want everyone who reads this to know that Elba didn't break my heart.  I broke hers.  She is an amazing beautiful woman.  She deserves a whole, healthy, honest, loving man in her life. 

           I have learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I ever have before.  I realize where I fall short and find more places every day.  So I have set some goals.  I want to be a better man.  So when I do get married I can be the man I need to be, who my wife needs, and who my Heavenly Father knows I can be.  I want to have a strong testimony that can stand the test of anything.  I feel like what I have put myself through has tested it and made it grow more than any other time in my life.  I want to be prepared to be a great father.  I have ideas on how to be a good one but I want to be a father that my kids can trust and confide in.  I want to be there for them and provide for them.  I want to be a worthy priesthood holder.  For any circumstance that is asked of me to be able to feel the spirit and be guided to do things correctly and in direct line with what my Heavenly Father wants.  There are a lot more goals that I have but in the idea of not boring you all I want to share some more song lyrics that I have written.  I wrote these with how I feel about my goals and what it will take to get there.  I am terrified of what lies ahead for me.  The past and the future have always tormented me.  But for the first time in my life I think I have a good understanding of the future.  I am working on facing my past.  More to come on that another time.  This is about the future and what is in store to get there.

Here in this town, safe and guarded
We call it home, a feeling that we share
Now leave this place, clinging to hope
In this midnight prayer
If we hold our breath, float beyond this
We'll be reborn, He will carry us home
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
Providence is blind when you're terrified
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
When we've reached the end of the road
He will carry us home
Oh no, if all our sin was only a hope
And meaningless and true
Now will I expire holding the world
In safety for you
If we make it through and He can save you
With this heart I know, He will carry us home
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
Providence is blind when you're terrified
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
When we've reached the end of the road
He will carry us home
And now I'm so far away from you
Will I be making any difference after leaving you all alone?
And now I'm so far away from home
Can I justify my actions after leaving you here in this town?
Safe and guarded, we call it home
A feeling that we shared
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
Providence is blind when you're terrified
Are you still alive? If you're scared inside
He will carry us home
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
Providence is blind when you're terrified
Are you still alive? Are you scared inside?
When we've reached the end of the road
When we've reached the end of the road
He will carry us home
Carry us home

Well, hopefully that made sense.  Kind of steared away from the normal things I write about.  It was a different feeling this time when writing it.  Normally its about love or broken dreams.  Have plenty of those lol.  Let me know what you think with this one.  Maybe I will focus more on this is the response is positive.